Mom Day.....

                                          While walking through Target today, I caught a glimpse of something that EVERY YEAR, shocks me.

Mothers Day cards. 

I don't know why, but they get me every time.

My Mom passed away almost 5 years ago.

May 4, 2005

And I still don't look at Mother's Day things and think of me, 

as, I am a Mom.

I don't want gifts, 

or flowers, 

or cards.

I don't even want to celebrate the stupid day.

I WANT MY MOMMY!

I want to call her one more time and say "I love you."

I want to hug her one more time.

I want to hear her smack her lips together soooo loudly when she kissed my cheek.

(Used to drive me crazy.)

And then I come home and find out that my best childhood friend lost her Mom today.

And all I can think of is that Chryssa is too young to be going through that.

Too young to be Motherless the rest of her life.

My heart is breaking for her and her beautiful little girls. 

I've learned to live with the regret.

Regrets from my teen years....OY.  

I was horrible to my Mother.

Even after I had children, I wasn't always nice.

I can live with that.

It's the grief that is so hard to live with.

It's always there.

Just when you think, "I can breath again."

You remember that your Mom is gone.

You can't drive to her home.

Can't pick up a phone.

Can't even send e-mail.

I won't find her on Facebook.

Or any of the forums that I belong to.

She's gone.

And my life will never be the same.

I'm praying for you Chryssa.

Love!