My husband...

So, I started this thing for my kids called

Mommy Loves You Day.

Each month one kid gets an evening where we can do anything 

that they want to do.

BUT

it can't cost money.  

It's about time.

Well, yesterday my husband took me out to eat.

And then we got blinds for our room and the living room!

And then today him and Chloe were talking about 

Queen Day.

And how much fun that was.

I asked what Queen Day was.

He said it's your

We Love You day!

AWWWWWWW!

I am sooooo going to think of more holidays to celebrate with the kids so that I get another holiday FOR ME!  

No, Mom.

I can't believe it's happened to me.

Today, I asked my Ty ~ 

my baby

our fourth little guy

my sweetness

the very reason I exist!

if he would give Mamma a hug.

He got angry with me.

Very angry.

And said ~ 

NO MOM.

Just like that.

No Mamma.

No Mommy.

Just "no mom."

I may die.

We were so in love for these 2 years.

I was his everything.

His only food source until he was one.

And then still, his main source until he was almost 2.

I STILL carry him in his sling ~ just because he likes it.

I STILL rock him to sleep almost daily...

And all I get is "no mom."

My heart is bleeding.

I may never recover.

Hold my hand.

Thanks.

                                                                         

Mom Day.....

                                          While walking through Target today, I caught a glimpse of something that EVERY YEAR, shocks me.

Mothers Day cards. 

I don't know why, but they get me every time.

My Mom passed away almost 5 years ago.

May 4, 2005

And I still don't look at Mother's Day things and think of me, 

as, I am a Mom.

I don't want gifts, 

or flowers, 

or cards.

I don't even want to celebrate the stupid day.

I WANT MY MOMMY!

I want to call her one more time and say "I love you."

I want to hug her one more time.

I want to hear her smack her lips together soooo loudly when she kissed my cheek.

(Used to drive me crazy.)

And then I come home and find out that my best childhood friend lost her Mom today.

And all I can think of is that Chryssa is too young to be going through that.

Too young to be Motherless the rest of her life.

My heart is breaking for her and her beautiful little girls. 

I've learned to live with the regret.

Regrets from my teen years....OY.  

I was horrible to my Mother.

Even after I had children, I wasn't always nice.

I can live with that.

It's the grief that is so hard to live with.

It's always there.

Just when you think, "I can breath again."

You remember that your Mom is gone.

You can't drive to her home.

Can't pick up a phone.

Can't even send e-mail.

I won't find her on Facebook.

Or any of the forums that I belong to.

She's gone.

And my life will never be the same.

I'm praying for you Chryssa.

Love!

            

Our farm (er animals).

Please meet Cracker Jack...our ducks.  One is Cracker and one is Jack, but if you just say Cracker Jack, they get it.  

They are discussing their angst at being thrown into the little pond that has 

happened in our back area.

They were pretty angry.

As was Ty when he realized that they were running furiously his way!

Yes, he does have his winter boots on.

So?

He's 2.

He will do what he wants. 

And who are YOU?

The ducks think that him and Isaac are their Mamma! 

It's so stinkin' cute.

Their poo, however, not so cute.

I can't believe I just put a pic of our goat.

Ty saw this picture and said "Horsey Sarah."

Ok, I'd much rather him think that he had a horse when he was a child

than a GOAT.

She's trying to eat my hubby's shirt.

Stupid goat.

Now, here is our chicks.  

23.

One is missing in action.

Weird.

I only put this pic up because, 

well,

I hate to admit it,

but my shadow looks really skinny.

I love shadows!

I just love the sun in these pics! 

It was soooo beautiful out last night!

And hot.

I'm a lil' chubby.

I don't do well in the heat.

Seriously.

It was like 75.

I thought I was going to die.

Gonna be a long summer.

Angry duck.

Isn't there some kind of a quote about a duck taking to water?

Yeah, well, just like the rest of our animals,

the ducks don't do what they are supposed to do.

We had a gay male goat. 

And our girl goat is barren.

Oh yeah, Sarah can't get pregnant.

Not sure why.

I have honestly never heard of a goat that can't get pregnant.

Fertility drugs?

Maybe.

She won't look me in the eye.

I have kicked her.

She's hurt.

Daddy had to take a nap after all the action outside.

He's been sick.

Ty gave him his puppy.

And some sanitizer.

He's so thoughtful.

Our lil' puppy and butterfly for spirit week at school!

Ain't they cute?

And now, off to the mall to buy the Easter shoes that I have been saying I was going to buy for over a week now.

My how my life has changed.