Grief.....

Grief is such a weird thing.  It can be gone for weeks, even months, but like an unwelcome visitor, it knocks at your door, and you have to open and let it in.

Today is my Mommy's birthday.  She died on May 4, 2005.  I knew it was coming, but really hadn't put much thought into it until I woke up this morning and was wondering why I had dreamed such a odd dream.

Every April my Mom and I would go to Virginia to visit her parents.  They had a beautiful house that they planned and built.  My husband and I, while honeymooning, actually got to see some of it being built.  It was a beautiful home.  My Grandpa was most proud of the tulips out front.  And in April, they bloomed.  So, in my dream, we were visiting the people who now owned the house because I wanted to ask the man if he would please take a picture of the tulips and send them to me.  (Who would ever think I'd be sitting here bawling over some tulips?)  And so, this man said "sure".  And we left.

I woke up and kept thinking "why did I dream that?"  And I started thinking about my Grandparents and my Mom, who are all in Heaven now.  Celebrating my Mom's birthday together.  Oh, how I miss them.  There is just nothing like grief.  You can think you are totally over something and then it hits you, a big smack in the face.

I think back on those Aprils in Virginia.  I wish I had savored every moment I had with them.  Instead I worried about silly things, or wanted to be home, or wanted to go shopping.  I wish that I had sat in my Grandpa's lap more, and helped my Grandma in the kitchen more....just to hear her talk.  I wish I had appreciated my Mom more, instead of just thinking "OH MOM" on everything.

I never got to say goodbye to my Mom, or my Grandma.  A couple of months before my Grandpa died, we went to visit him.  He was in a hospital, and we really thought he only had days....I had just had our fourth baby.  He got to kiss them.  I won't ever take that for granted.  FAMILY IS EVERYTHING.  Appreciate them, each and every moment.  You might not have any more moments.

Here is a picture of my Mommy and my Grandma.  Grandma was part Indian, and me and my Mom had blonde hair and blue eyes.  Weird, huh?  They both were great ladies who loved the Lord.

And here is me and my Grandpa.  Sorry it's blurry, it's a pic of a pic.  Ain't he cute?  One of my favorite people ever!  

" I have a goodly heritage!"